Saturday, 16 January 2010

Thomas The Necrophiliac Engine

Today my child added a dark Goth twist to the sunny world of Thomas The Tank Engine. Personally, I hate Thomas - he's not only an insufferable twat with a dreary Protestant work ethic, but he's completely rubbish at his job. Never a week goes by that he doesn't drop a shitload of rocks into a river or plough into a station full of children. Little blue prick.

Even so, the terrible theme tune - sang by a bunch of stage school eunuchs at a pitch which would give a dog a headache - is a big hit with my son. This morning he began to sing:

Thomas - he's the cheeky one
James is vain but lots of fun
Percy pulls the mail on time
Gordon thunders down the line
Emily really knows her stuff
Henry toots and huff and puffs
Edward wants to help and share
Toby, well let's say he's square

Except when it came to the last line, Louis happily sang:
'Toby - well let's say he's dead.'

It was the vagueness that was disturbing. (Hmm, yes - let's SAY he's dead. Actually Toby is tied up in the engine shed being roundly shunted by Gordon while the Fat Controller films it on his iPhone and sells it to

Will have to have a word with that boy before he starts pulling the legs off Bob the Builder.

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